Ok. The main dream that's been eluding me for the past few years (if not all my life) is to obtain a muscular body. Some have seen me lose weight, and those very same people have also seen me gain it back (whether they realize it or not). But the fact remains that, I have grown back into the pathetic physical being I once was. A 78-kg piece of lump, waiting to reach 79 (and after that 80, 81, 82, God Forbid 83!!! and so on and so on).

The thing is.... :(

I already know HOW to lose this weight. What to do in terms of training and choosing the right food. But still, I fall into the chasm again and again and again. It's been three attempts as I can remember....

FIRST SUCCESSFUL ATTEMPT - THE BODY FOR LIFE CHALLENGE

The first came back way in late 2000. I stood at 83 kilos, feeling absolutely sluggish and ... heavy of course. Not at all in the form of my dreams. But hey, those were the days where most people started to put on a few pounds. After university, get a job and START GETTIN' HEAVYYYYY!!!!
Anywayz... I managed to conjure up some courage to go on the Body For Life programme. Long story short, I brought my weight down to around 74 I guess. BRAVO! Almost 10 kilos! That's SATU GUNI BERAS already! Was getting lots of compliments from friends and family who haven't seen me in a long time, and also felt absolutely GREAT in jeans and pants with waist measurements of 33 to 34 inches. (I was 37 before that).... That certainly was a lovely feeling, after years and years struggling to get my weight down and trying to fit into my high-school outfits. LOL!

But the came the "demise"... From 73-74 kilos, I managed to climb the ladder, almost al the way to 76 or 77 I guess. I was losing sight. I was losing the way... Not to say thet Body For Life was a failure... More to say that I was failing.... and falling. But the thing was... I wasn't falling DOWN! I was falling UP! Up the weight scale!!!

SECOND ATTEMPT - MUSCLENOW (1)

Actually, I had this programme before Body For Life. But I didn't follow it for I thought it was too strict. Kind'a dumb considering the price I paid for it. Anyway... After 'failing' at BFL, I was sent to do my Masters at Monash University Australia. There, I thought I'd start out new, and with another program just for variety's sake. So, I decided to try out my MuscleNow programme. Whoa!!! Was I in for the greatest surprise of my life for procrastinating on such an EXPLOSIVE PROGRAMME! I went from 74-75 kilos, all the way down to 68 kilos! I mean... that's like 7 kilograms. It did take me a few months though... but the duration was alsmost the same as BFL.

But... yes... again I succumbed to worldly temptations... and fell off the fitness-horse. And it was gonna be quite a while after that for me to get back up! Went back to 76 kilos.

THIRD ATTEMPT - MUSCLENOW (2)

Same programme, same routine. I did this after almost 3 months of the horse. It's actually not that common to go all the way back up to 76 kilos from 68! I mean... yeah... I was OVER INDULGING in food! I was eating like a horse + pig + musk rat + hyeina + lion all combined! But fortunately, due to the training I received through MuscleNow, my body reacted quite differently than before, whereby some of the food actually turned into muscle! LOL! I can't explain this. It just happened.

Anyway, again, after two months on the programme, and after achieving some muslce growth... again I took a "rest". I was down to 73 kilos, with quite some muscle and low bodyfat. But... like I said... I took a "rest". Now... this one was longer.

Since the fitness-horse was getting leaner and bigger (as I increased in size as well as reduced bodyfat), I found it hard to get back up.... Argh!!! The agony of climbing back onto a tall horse! :( ... This, was to be the closest-to-death experience I've ever had (fitness wise that is).

Up till now, (21st Dec 2005), I am finding it hard to get back on that horse. Every day I try to push. But still, other tempations take over. The horse is slowly walking away, leaving me behind without a ride. And I'm just scared that one day, the horse might vanish forever... leaving me with a flabby-physique... and also a fat tummy to keep me company.

From LAST WEEK onwards - FOURTH ATTEMPT!!! I'm Sticking my Neck Out By Posting This You Know...

ARGH!!! I WILL BE FAT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE????? I WILL BE FLABBY UNTIL THE DAY I SEE THE THE TWO 'EXAMINERS' OF THE GRAVE? WILL IT JUST SUFFICE BY BEING 'NORMAL???'

NO WAY!!!

THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN! FOR I WILL PREVAIL! AND GOD WILL BE MY PRIMARY WITNESS AND OF COURSE, INSYA-ALLAH...WISH-GRANTER! FOR I SHALL SHOW TO MYSELF (and the world if you guyz are interested. LOL!), THAT I TOO CAN BE LIKE BILL PHILLIPS, FRANCESCO CASTANO and JEREMY LIKNESS (ok, I didn't write about his guy here, but here's his link anyway).

And... wish me luck oso ya my family and frens :) hehehehe. I lub U all.

Okie :) Whoa. Long post ya?